I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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