My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
