I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
