Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
