fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
