Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
