I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
wow bdsm is so cute
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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