It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
