i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
