wanna go halves on a baby?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
