im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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