Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
