we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We got so high we made milksteak
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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