she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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