The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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