I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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