Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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