didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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