I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
