Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My bed smells like the plague
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
