I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
birth control should be required to get into college
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
