My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
