I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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