Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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