Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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