oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
