I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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