she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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