I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
