Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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