all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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