last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
