And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
