I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
