it was like his penis was on wheels.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
