Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
