There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Acid is not a monday night drug
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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