i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it glows. i had to have it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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