I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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