Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
