we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
