dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
