im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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