My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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