he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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