i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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