The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
