i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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