I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
