i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
me + whiskey = a bad person
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
