how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
