Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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