Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
