oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
